Old stuff...

So tomorrow Spencer is coming to Jacksonville to see me before he leaves for South America. He will be gone for a long time, and I really hope that living there will open his eyes. It is going to be weird seeing him again after like six months. I really don't know how things are going to be going down...probably the same way they always have...One hot passionate night waking up cuddling as he whispers into my ear, "I'm not gay!", prays God for forgiveness on his sins, gets dressed, and then we both go our separate ways. He's such a beautiful person inside and out. Hands down, he is the best looking guy that I've ever even gone out with. He just has issues with being comfortable with himself. Unfortunately, it was nothing I could fix. Unfortunately the same God that made him gay, he believes, condemns him for it. I can probably only say that I've ever been "in love" with maybe two guys in my whole life. It took me a long time to realize it, but throughout our 3-month fling, I developed feelings for him and really did fall in love with him. We also fought a lot, and he ended up going back home empty-handed, but never really went back to dating girls. Anyway, I just hope everything goes well, and that this trip truly lets him discover who he is and re-evaluate his current religious beliefs. I hope that I have been even the smallest ounce of courage and motivation in his life. Mostly, I hope our goodbyes are not forever.